Tonight, as we walked through the fading light in the crisp cool of the evening, I reflected to M: "Just think: it has been precisely one year since we decided to have a baby- and here we are living it!" I hardly thought it would happen so fast. X peeped out at me from his cozy burrow inside the Baby Bjorn, his eyes wide and curious as he took in the billowing tree branches and other strange city sights.
I don't have much time to reread and reflect on what sort of person I was one long year ago. I can say for certain I have changed drastically -and at the same time I haven't changed at all, as strange as that may sound. I am so glad I chose this road and wouldn't go back and do things differently for all the gold in the world. I have moments of panic and days of despondency. It isn't 100% happiness and light. But it is a crazy adventure and I can only imagine what new emotions and experiences and highs and lows are in store for me.
I also note with some remorse that my personal time is much reduced --time for meditating and reading and writing and gardening and enjoying all the things I once enjoyed. I especially note it now -on this anniversary - in regards to writing. My prose suffers for lack of time and attention. It is all I can do to pound out a few brief & poorly written entries every several weeks just to keep this blog afloat. I fear it will just become a place to document X's milestones and that I will lose touch with why I began it in the first place. I promise to try -that is the best I can do at this juncture.
1 comment:
I was just thinking how it had been about a year since your big decision and was so glad to read this. What a year it is been! Have you looked into the possibility of an occasional sitter? It makes all the difference in the world to have a chunk of time to oneself every day, even if it's only an hour, or two, or three.
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