My beautiful baby boy has taken to biting me. And yes, he's biting me there. It is horrible & it won't stop. I made the mistake of reacting dramatically the first few times (as you might imagine, it is somewhat hard not to!), & that only egged him on. He thinks my noisy OUCHes & NOs are incredibly funny & HURTS MAMA doesn't seem to inspire any regret. I called his pediatrician for advice & was told that, try as I might to teach him, kids really do not learn empathy until the age of 13...which explains why Junior High was such a miserable torment....
Soooo, I am taking him off every single time he bites & I am saying quietly & calmly, "No biting, no milkie" and I am letting him fuss & cry for several g0d-awful minutes until I feel like I want to take another chance & let him bite me again. And this goes on for hours sometimes.
It is the absolute pits to be giving so much of yourself to another human only to have them bite you. And then to offer your breast again & again to those same sharp, little daggers, gingerly, anxiously, hoping he doesn't break the skin this time....it is really crazy-making.
Please pray with me (to whichever gods you worship) that this is just another swiftly passing phase & not the new status quo.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry X is causing you pain. That is the last thing you deserve and I will join in the hopes that it will soon pass.
Your pediatrician's comment struck me, b/c R. showed very clear signs of empathy from a very young age. When Mark would pretend to cry, River would become so upset he would cry. He still gets very upset if one of us (it happens with Mark most often) looks sad or hurt. Have you tried pretend (or real?:)) crying after a bite?
Because his statement that it doesn't appear until 13 seemed at odds with what we've seen so far, I did a google on when empathy appears in children. I think it's much earlier than 13. Here is one article: http://www.drkutner.com/parenting/articles/develop_empathy.html
Another interesting piece I randomly stumbled across is on a father's relation to the development of empathy: http://www.nytimes.com/1990/07/12/us/health-studies-on-development-of-empathy-challenge-some-old-assumptions.html?pagewanted=1
I agree with you that children can display behaviors that resemble empathy, but I think it is stretch to suggest they feel true empathy....I tend to believe that ability (which requires the development of a theory of mind) comes much later, although perhaps not as late as the nurse suggested....And also, I like to think there was some good reason the kids in Junior High were such major assholes:)
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