sure about insurance

I spent the afternoon swinging from the phone tree at Aetna. M and I are looking at the possibility of switching to a superior group health insurance plan through our employer's larger sister company in Seattle. To date we've been purchasing health insurance as individuals on the open market, and our employer has been getting a steal by simply reimbursing us for our measly monthly payments. Meanwhile, our personal out-of-pocket expenses skyrocket (we are on an 80/20 plan up to $8K!) and the whole arrangement amounts to little more than a massive pay cut when all the numbers are tallied. It is a rotten deal and we are anxious to remedy the situation.

(I have to note as a somewhat snarky aside -when I mentioned our shitty health care situation to my republican cousin I was advised to simply "get a job with a big company that offers good insurance!" well, duh! jeez! why didn't I think of that? -getting a new job is so easy -especially in Portland!? -besides, I don't really like my current job anyhow?!? - oh, and its also considered great form to get a new job with a wonderful company and then get pregnant!?! -oh, that's right- the solution to our country's health care crisis is to abandon the mom-and-pops and go 100% multi-national??...but I digress...and show my true, sarcastic and evil nature...).

Ahem...so, anyhow: we have gotten the go-ahead to switch over effective July 1st. But before I make any massive life-altering changes, I wanted to get an actual human from Aetna on the telephone to answer a few basic questions about "pre-existing conditions." My question was simple: should I find myself pregnant before July 1st would I be shit-out-of-luck when it comes to getting a delivery covered under my new plan with Aetna? Seems like a simple question, right? -well, it isn't. I spent an hour calling phone number after phone number, pushing 2 for membership questions, sitting on hold, pushing 4 for an operator, hanging up, getting hung up on, starting over. One line, on which I'd held for upwards of 10 minutes, finally interrupted its own elevator music to inform me that "owing to unforeseen circumstances, an operator will not be available to take your call," further, I was advised by the robotic voice to "try back at a later time." Unforeseen circumstances? -like what? -a bomb threat at the Aetna headquarters (I hope...because this is how angry I am by this point!)?? Meanwhile, as I sat and stewed my great hope in the superiority of Aetna's customer service swiftly disappeared -and my aggravation at the sorry state of health care in this country reached new heights. I wanted to scream: I can't help but feel like these assholes have us all by the balls and therefore they can jerk us around however they like and no one will ever hold them to account!!

I finally got someone named Carolyn on the phone in Fresno, California. Carolyn informed me in no uncertain terms that no, pregnancy is not considered a pre-existing condition, provided I am joining a group plan (i.e. see above regarding how self-insured people get the short end of the stick). She started to get peevish with me, seeing as I asked her the same question 10 times, each time more emphatic, but with slightly different wording, different hypotheticals, etc. I was not going to hang up the phone without being absolutely 100% certain. Her voice started to rise as she repeated herself over and over again. I exclaimed by way of explanation, "birth is expensive! -sorry for being paranoid, but I would hate to be left holding them bag on $30K!"

She seemed to understand by the 10th time I asked, and I have to admit I feel sorry for these health insurance company operators who get thrashed by every caller while the big bosses rake in millions and never have to talk to the plebes. She even provided her name so I could quote her if it comes to that -not like that means anything. They could still screw me over, whatever Carolyn says.

So, in the end, should I be happy that I am switching to a better plan? -I confess I am mostly just nervous.